materialism

My parents never raised me to be materialistic. Somewhere along the lines, probably due to my grandparents on both sides, that changed and I'm far more materialistic than my parents like. They don't understand the desire for the dozens of pairs of shoes or my inability (lack of desire?) to stop myself from buying things that I have no need for. I am, in short, a product of a very materialistic generation. And you know what? I have no problem with that. I love my things.

I recently began a project, entitled The Bed Project, which has been an interesting

test in my knowledge of people so far. You think you know somebody but you don't really know them until they're in bed, and I do mean that in multiple ways not all of which are PG-13 or under. Basically, I've asked people to bring things that materialistically represent who they are and pose on my bed. I've given no limits other than no sex in my bed, and if you really want to bring a spare tire, please wash it first. I don't care if people are clothed or nude or somewhere in between. I want people to just be people.

Once upon a time, a photographer friend of mine challenged me to create a project and stick with it. I've never been good at this, unless you want to make a blanket statement of all the nude women I shoot and entitle it "The Naked Ladies Project" or something along those lines. Anyway, in the two weeks I've been shooting for my Bed Project, I've already had more than a handful in my bed, with more lined up to hop in. Obviously this amuses me to no end, but I digress. Herblish, aka Herbie Martin, challenged me to stick to whatever project I create and go with it. Now, if you're unfamiliar with Herblish, he is a local Orlando photographer known for The Pickle Suit. Google it. You'll laugh. But then you'll be like "wow, this guy is really dedicated to using this suit." The Bed Project is my pickle suit, metaphorically speaking.

I've been greatly amused at the things people bring over, and I'm really looking forward to seeing what other people bring. To follow the project, check out http://megschutz.deviantart.com/ or http://www.flickr.com/photos/megschutz/

Meg Schutz: The Rebirth

I suppose I should catch you up before I begin from where things are right now.

At some point life drastically changed. It went down hill to a point where I didn't believe recovery was possible. I lost my inspiration, my drive for creativity, my willingness to even try. I've since learned that it was all a mental mindfuck to prepare me for something better. I didn't shoot for a while. To the point where I was even more upset that I wasn't shooting, which further drove me into a pit of lack of creativity. I forced my way through shoots, not enjoying them even with people who I *love* to work with.

And then things changed. I was offered a new job. I quit the old one. Things began to look better. About a month after beginning the new job, I had a run in with a model friend of mine who it turned out, was looking for a roommate. Having had such things fall through before recently, I was hesitant and tried not to get hopes up about something. Turns out, he really did need a roommate, and a few weeks later, I was finally sleeping in what is now my bedroom. I wasn't aware at the time, but the move was more than what I thought I needed or wanted.

Moving in with Jamesson has been not only emotionally fantastic but it has

brought a rebirth of my art. Inspiration seems to run freely in this house. The desire to create and make something beautiful has returned. I swore it was lost. I had gone out with a guy a couple times who had told me that having a career drained him of his creativity and I was terrified that it was happening to me as well. But this house and the energy that fills it....I've never felt so inspired to create and shoot. I've had multiple shoots recently, to the point where there were actually more shoots in the past couple weeks than I have had in months.

I feel this push to create something more, bigger, better than I have before. And I really feel as though that with each shoot I've done in the past couple weeks, my shoots have gradually pushed me to a new place and a new level. I'm finally starting to look at my work and be proud of what I've created. I want to show off what I've created. It's an amazing feeling. I don't know where the energy of this house comes from, but I love it. I've pushed myself. Maybe Jamesson has pushed me as well. But I'm in a place artistically that I do not wish to leave anytime soon.

yea, um. that? it doesn't inspire me.

There are certain things as a photographer that just do not inspire me in the least bit because I'm just not that kind of photographer. Tonight I got asked by a model/photographer friend of mine to shoot on a beach. Yea. um. no. First off, the damage that does to my camera? eh, not so much. Second off, you want to shoot on a CROWDED beach? nope. not happening. Third. It's a goddamn Florida beach. It has nothing of interest to me. There are no cliffs, there are no spiffy rocks. It's a central florida beach, so there aren't any spiffy trees or anything. Here's my thing... I'm tired of it. I've done it before. It wasn't something I particularly liked then. It wasn't something I want to do again, even for a friend. To me, it's boring. And unless I'm getting paid, I don't want to do boring things. I don't care how hot someone is or how good of a friend they are... if it doesn't benefit me in anyway, what's the point? I know some people would call that selfish, but I don't need to add much to my portfolio. It's fairly solid. I'm select with what I shoot, and with whom.

That's where we get into the idea of what's boring to me isn't boring to another person and vice versa. A beautiful girl in a bed? I'll never get tired of it. It's so simple and so natural that I just love it. Other people? Bored with it.

I shot Sarah the other day. It was the second time. The first time was when I shot the fight club shoot over Christmas break. I've got to say...Girl is beautiful. Goofy but beautiful. I love a girl who makes me laugh when I'm photographing them. When it comes down to it, personality is just as important to me as looks. However, a camera doesn't always pick up on a personality. Sometimes...but not always. In Sarah's case, it picked up on this hidden sensuality that I didn't see standing next to her. I think that's how cameras work though. They pick up things that not everyone can see. I love that about photographing people. You can fake who you are. You can let out a hidden part of yourself. You can let your true self shine through. So many options exist. As a photographer, it's exciting to find out who you capture when you photograph someone, even someone you know well. I love that mystery.

murderotica

Art is supposed to be an expression of oneself right? Well, there you go. That's my expression for the time being. That's where I am mentally.

Last night as I stopped at Lowe's to pick up rope to shoot with Whitney, and the guy who cut the rope for me questioned me. Then the lady in line questioned me. Why does a pretty thing like me need rope? Well. Cause I had a bad fucking week. Cause I'm about to go kill my best friend for my photographic pleasure. Cause I'm an art major and I need to create something. Cause I have stuff to tie. Cause I'm utterly insane. Cause I want it. Cause I can. What reason do you want?? I'll continue to pull them out of my ass as I see fit. Thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, I'm actually fairly proud of how that came out. I couldn't have done it without my Wacom Tablet though. Seriously... a mouse would have just annoyed the crap out of me had I tried to do it with one. I <3 my tablet and pen though.

I'm off. Originally my shoot canceled today. Then one of the two girls texted me about still shooting, and well, I'm not going to turn down naked chicks in front of my camera.

ugh

I've been sick on and off for a little over a month now. Seriously sick. Missed work for a week sick. Haven't shot for a month sick. Canceled multiple shoots sick. Because of all this, my depression has worsened. Not shooting is painful to me. It's my passion. But when you're so sick that all creativity flies out the window, that hurts. I've always been a creative person. Even now when I'm not sick (in theory), the sickness of my mental health has got me feeling so uncreative that I almost want to be sick just so I have an excuse.

So, what it comes down to is that Wednesday was my first time shooting in quite some time. Even then, I knew my heart wasn't fully there. What has happened to me? I used to devote all of my heart to photography. I used to be happy too though. Perhaps that is it...I'm not happy these days. It isn't that I want to stop with photography, I just need to find a place where I'm happy with it.

I keep coming back to the idea of needing a muse. Someone to get me back on track somehow. Ugh.

Inspiration

I grew up with cameras. My grandpa on my dad's side was a hobbyist photographer and my grandparent's on my mom's side started me off young giving me cameras for Christmas or birthdays. They'd give my brother a camera too, but they never stuck with him the way they stuck with me. If I had a roll of film in my camera, I was a happy kid. Growing up, I always had cameras. I gradually got better and better cameras, and I took pictures of everything. Myself, my friends, my feet, my surroundings, animals, plants, anything I could find. If my life provides anything for the future, it will be a lot of pictures of what growing up in a solid middle class family was like. When I discovered the internet, I discovered I could look at other people's photography too, and thus continued the journey of what got me to where I am now. I know I'm not particularly very far along in my photography journey, but these are the people who inspired me once I discovered the internet and all it's marvels.

-Philippe Halsman. Jumping. Simple jumping up and down. So simple. "When you ask a person to jump, his attention is mostly directed toward the act of jumping and the mask falls so that the real person appears." (http://www.npg.si.edu/exh/halsman/intro.htm)

-David LaChapelle. If you're going to be daring and ridiculous with art, you may as well do it as a true production. Vibrant, over the top, amazing. http://www.lachapellestudio.com/

-Chad Michael Ward. What my parents would have said if they saw me looking at his work when I was 13/14ish! Holy cow. They would have banned me from ever spending any time in front of a computer. Ha! http://digitalapocalypse.com/

-Helmut Newton. Androgyny anyone? Naked chicks in high fashion poses? You know I'm all over that. My high school photography teacher made the mistake of asking us to research him. I think this is where my true love of fashion began.

-Annie Leibovitz. I keep hearing how overrated her work is but have you looked at it? It's amazing. Her shots for the Disney Year of A Million Dreams? Amazing. Seriously.

That's pretty much my top handful. Whenever I'm feeling particularly uncreative, it's their work I look to.

hitting a wall

So, I think I've hit a wall as a photographer, and I'm not sure if the wall is climbable yet or not. I suppose it really is not just my photography, but several other parts of my life. But for the sake of this being a photography blog, we're going to stick with the wall in front of me dealing with photography. At first, the wall was in it's building stages where I could just step over it, but it has since grown and now I've got a few issues that I need advice on.

First, I consider my art to be geared largely towards a female population. Yes, most of my work these days has consisted of artistic nudes of women, but there's a difference between a nude of a woman for a woman to get enjoy looking at vs a nude of a woman for a man to enjoy looking at. My instincts as a female photographer have largely been "go with natural" rather than "go with appealing". Well, I'm at a point here where I'm not sure I want to stay with just natural. Do I gear myself towards a male appreciating audience? Do I continue to gear myself towards a more broad art appreciating audience? I guess part of what got me to this part of the wall is that the other day when I was shooting Erica Dean, we both made a comment about how a male photographer would be much less likely to understand what she wanted to accomplish. A male would have asked for smoldering temptress Erica when Erica wanted a more natural, lounging around nude approach. There is a huge difference in how women view themselves as sexy vs how men view women as sexy. Which do I showcase? Do I learn how to bring both out in a shoot? What do I do??

Second, I need a project. Something that is an on going thing that I can pitch to galleries. Soon. I'm tired of being stuck in the particular rut I'm in. By the end of next month, I'll have been in two shows but I will have not had a solo show. I've been published locally and my photos have been used in ads in Seattle. A solo gallery show just seems like the next logical step for me, well...depending on the project. I've figured that artistic nudes would be where the project would be headed. I've already got prints started from being in the shows, I've got enough of a collection of nudes to at least make a pitch to galleries, and there is enough variety model wise in Orlando for me to continue on and get enough to easily have a 20-30 piece show by the end of the year. However, nudes would limit me to mainly bars/lounges since they're not child friendly. Do I go in a different direction and come up with a project that could be pitched to venues that aren't exclusively 18+? Do I stick with the 18+ stuff and work on giving it a bit more variety?

Third, where am I going as a photographer? I honestly have not shot anything out of the idea of pure fun in quite some time. I think it shows in my work. I've created works of art but not anything fun. Don't get me wrong, I think that my fun work can be art but I think there's a difference that shows between an art nude and coming up with concepts to execute. Do I continue down one road as an artist? Do I continue down one road as a concept photographer? Balancing the acts together is apparently not working too well for me. I think that shooting sets for Zivity has been partially to blame for this. It's made me learn how to create sets, usually of naked chicks doing things. And Zivity stuff has been mainly what I'm shooting these days anyway. Where do I go from here??

Right now, I'm focusing on the wall straight ahead of me. I haven't looked up to see how tall the wall is and if it's climbable. I just know I need to knock it down somehow and figure these things out. *sigh*